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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26499091">Dear Friend</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/etmuse/pseuds/etmuse'>etmuse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, F/M, Inspired by She Loves Me (Musical), M/M, No Clown, Social Media, reddit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:35:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26499091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/etmuse/pseuds/etmuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When family crisis strikes, Eddie turns to Reddit for advice, and finds himself making a new friend.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Richie volunteers for a new project at work and clashes with one of the expert advisors.</p>
<p>With love on the line, there are decisions to be made...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue: Thursday June 04 2020</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>An accessible transcript of the SM:AU posted on twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/DearFriendAU">@DearFriendAU</a></p>
<p>Each chapter will cover one calendar day, and will be posted after all of the updates for that day have appeared on the twitter story.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Updates 01 to 10</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b> Reddit </b> </p>
<p>r/raisedbynarcissists  <br/>
posted by u/despairingsonthrowaway  </p>
<p>I’m not sure if this is the right place for this but I’m hoping you people can give me some clues.  </p>
<p>So I don’t really know where to start. I always said that I had a decent childhood, and that my mom was a bit of a helicopter parent but that it was understandable (my dad died in a car smash when I was a baby, so it made sense that she was protective of me, right?)  </p>
<p>But then the last few weeks happened and I’m rethinking everything. It all kicked off, I guess, a couple of weeks ago, when I was out to dinner with my now-ex girlfriend (that’s a whole other story). Let’s call her Jane. So Jane and I had gone out in the city, and it was a place we hadn’t gone before which meant I had a very long conversation with the poor waiter before we ordered about the many allergies I’ve been dealing with my whole life. This hassle has usually kept me going back to the same handful of places I know but I’d heard great things about the food at this place so wanted to try it out (Jane wasn’t so keen!)  </p>
<p>While there wasn’t anything on the menu that was suitable ‘as is’, the waiter assured me they could accommodate – the dish I chose in the end would require an alternative sauce be used but this seemed fine. The food arrived and as promised, it was delicious. Until after I’d taken maybe half a dozen bites, when the waiter came rushing back in a panic and screamed at me to stop eating. Apparently someone in the kitchen had misunderstood the sauce request and my dish wasn’t actually as allergen-free as promised. (The restaurant have actually contacted me since with a new procedure they’ve put in place so this never happens again, because next time it might have mattered!)  </p>
<p>The thing was, I wasn’t having a reaction. I’d been told all my life that I was deathly allergic, and I carry an epi-pen, but there was just nothing. Not even a few tingles, and the ER couldn’t find any signs of anaphylaxis. Admittedly I didn’t finish the meal, but I’d definitely eaten some of the ‘contaminated’ sauce, and I’d been warned since childhood about consuming even a tiny amount. Jane said that maybe the waiter was mistaken, a viewpoint my mother agreed on when told the story. I wasn’t convinced – he’d seemed very sure, and the explanation he gave made sense to me.   </p>
<p>I made an appointment with an allergy specialist to have a panel done – Jane thought this was a vast overreaction, and my mother insisted that I’d had one as a child and there was no need to do it again. Not that I could actually find a record of this childhood panel, but these things get misplaced all the time, right? And anyway, I wanted to be sure.   </p>
<p>I didn’t really bring it up again while I was waiting for the appointment to come round, I didn’t want to have the same fight over and over, but both Jane and my mother were clearly disappointed in me. (I should perhaps mention that my mother was the one who introduced us – she and Jane have been close from the start.)  </p>
<p>The appointment was this week, and well, I’m NOT allergic to almost everything my mother has been listing for as long as I can remember. And there’s no indication that I ever was. Who knows about anything else I’ve been treated for.  </p>
<p>When I told my mom and Jane about the results, they both flat out insisted that I must have seen some kind of fake doctor, because I was absolutely definitely allergic to all those things. And what kind of son-slash-boyfriend was I that I’d go against them for this testing when I knew their thoughts about it, how could I turn my back on all the care they’ve both taken over me to keep me allergen free, etc etc. It ended up in a massive fight, and I broke up with Jane. But I don’t know what to do about my mother.  </p>
<p>She’s my family, and she loves me. But if she’s willing to lie to me about my own health, what other skeletons might be hiding in our family closet?   </p>
<p><b> Tl;dr: Recently discovered that my mother has been lying to me my whole life about health conditions I don’t have. Don’t know where to go from here? </b>  </p>
<p>  </p>
<p><b> BEST COMMENTS </b>  </p>
<p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues <br/>
</b>You broke up with the girlfriend, and sorry but you need to do the same with mom. Cut her out. She wants a puppet, not a son, and she won’t change.  </p>
<p><b> despairingsonthrowaway <br/>
</b>Idk, that seems kinda... drastic?   </p>
<p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues<br/>
</b>You said it yourself, man. She’s been lying to you about the stuff that is literally LIFE AND DEATH. That sort of relationship is so toxic, and it will slowly kill you inside. I’ve been around this sub long enough to see the stories and you need to get out while you can. And if you’ve got any siblings, get them out too. You can try to ‘fix’ things if you really want, but it never ends well.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p> Unsent replies by <b> despairingsonthrowaway </b> </p>
<p>I’m an only child, but...  </p>
<p>I can’t just abandon my only family?  </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b> despairingsonthrowaway <br/>
</b>I guess you’re right. There ARE other things that have started to bug me about my childhood in the last weeks, and especially the last days. I just... don’t even know where to start? I have a job, and responsibilities. It’s not like I can just run away? I mean, she’s never actually been to my house but she does know where I live?    </p>
<p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues<br/>
</b>There’s the obvious stuff to start with. Change your phone number, and block her number anyway. (Both of them, if you think the ex is likely to try to get in touch.) Only give the new number to people either totally not connected or who you know are on your side. Depending on your situation, might also be worth looking at your lease to see if you can move. It’s a PITA but if she might show up on your doorstep it’s worth it. You’re not really running away (although I technically did in the end, but only after I’d been thrown out!), just, like, hiding in plain sight.   </p>
<p><b> despairingsonthrowaway<br/>
</b>I already blocked the ex. (Honestly I’ve been thinking about breaking up with her for a while so at least that’s one positive!) And I can call my provider in the morning about changing my number, I guess. I don’t think my mom will show up cos it’s a bit of a ways from hers and she doesn’t drive (because of what happened with my dad, she says, although she totally gets in cabs? I didn’t get my own licence until I moved out for college...) Jane might I guess but I’m hoping she got the message? Something to keep in mind I guess. And what’s the less obvious stuff? (I’m guessing there is some?)   </p>
<p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues<br/>
</b>The less obvious stuff is, like, financial and legal shit. Like, if your bank account is one that rolled over from when you had a kiddie account, make sure that her name has been taken off as an administrator (this one got me HARD). And if you can, find a friend that you can trust to give medical poa and stuff like that to, because waking up in a hospital to find your estranged family has given consent to all sorts of shit you didn’t want while you were out is hell (didn’t happen to me, I saw it on here, but given your mom has form with medical shit I’d want to be sure). And honestly, you’ll need a friend just, to, like. Survive. Make sure you don’t give in and go back in a moment of weakness.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unsent replies by <b> despairingsonthrowaway </b> </p>
<p>I don’t have friends?  </p>
<p>How am I supposed to find a friend like that  </p>
<p>Shit what kind of 24 year old man doesn’t have any real friends?  </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b> despairingsonthrowaway<br/>
</b>Financially, I think I’m ok, but I’ll definitely check. As far as the rest... I don’t really have any friends that I’d call close enough to burden them with something like that? I don’t have anyone in my ‘real life’ I even really want to know about this mess, tbh, that’s why I ended up here. I was never allowed to do most of the stuff teenage boys do with their friends, so I can probably blame that on my mom too. I’m screwed?   </p>
<p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues<br/>
</b>Well, I know I’m basically a total stranger. But I understand screwed up family. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b> Reddit </b><b>inbox </b>  <b><br/>
messages </b> <br/>
<b>Were you serious? </b>  </p>
<p>u/despairingsonthrowaway<br/>
Maybe you were just being nice, and that’s totally fine if you were. You don’t know me and taking on my issues just because I’m a grown man who apparently never learned to make proper friends is a big ask. But if you mean it, I really could do with someone to tell all this stuff to. But feel free to say no!  </p>
<p>u/mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  <br/>
Absolutely serious. I struggled through a bunch of stuff alone with my family, and honestly if I hadn’t met the friends I have now when I did, I might not be here today. This shit is hard enough to deal with when you’re surrounded by people who care, no one should have to do it alone.  </p>
<p>u/despairingsonthrowaway  <br/>
I’d say you won’t regret it, but let’s be honest, you might. Thanks though. I’m barely processing any of this yet, even after all the weirdness of the last couple weeks. When it finally hits me...  </p>
<p>u/mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  <br/>
Seriously, dude, just stop. If you turn out to be a total dick I can just block you but I’m not getting that vibe. And I know I’m maybe seeming like some well-adjusted freak to you right now but trust me I’m totally a mess. Just, like, not about my parents anymore? After a few weeks of my whining you might decide YOU’RE the one who regrets it!  </p>
<p>u/despairingsonthrowaway  <br/>
So, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, or if it’s too painful or whatever, but what happened with your family? Like you said you got kicked out but clearly you also have experience in what I need to do now so I’m a bit confused because surely those don’t go together? If I’m being too nosey just tell me.  </p>
<p>u/mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  <br/>
If my father was a normal person then those 2 totally don’t go together but well, he’s not. It was years and years ago now (I’m getting old!) so it’s not a painful thing anymore. There are things I regret (see my note about siblings) but I’m way better off without them so cutting my parents out is not one of those things. I’ll warn you tho this story really sucks so maybe it’d be better to stop reading this NOW so you don’t just feel worse that you do already.  </p>
<p>So the thing you have to know for this story to make sense is that I’m super gay. If you’re a homophobic dickweed and don’t want to talk to me now, can you at least have the balls to tell me so I can just block you and be done? (I’m hoping not but I have some history on this, so...) But yeah, very very gay and somehow that was obvious to pretty much everyone except me and my parents from the time I was like, 8. I figured it out when I was 13 or so but it wasn’t really an issue until I got my first boyfriend when I was 16. You can probably guess a bunch of what happened next. I was nearly 17 when I found myself suddenly homeless, and if my dad didn’t have a vindictive controlling streak that would have been the end of the story but he wanted me out and wanted me under his thumb at the same time, so he cut off my access to my own money, spread lies to stop parents’ of my friends letting me sleep on their couches, harrassed me constantly with links to conversion therapies etc. Said I could come back if I agreed to be straight(?) and tried everything to make that my only option. Few hundred miles down the road I finally found help, got back on my feet, but it was definitely kinda rough for a bit.   </p>
<p>But I guess that whole ‘it gets better’ schtick is kinda true after all?  </p>
<p>u/despairingsonthrowaway   <br/>
Totally honest, that kinda makes me feel better and worse at the same time. One the one hand, at least I’m not homeless, on the other hand, I feel guilty because what have I got to complain about, I’m not homeless? And of course I still want to talk to you.  </p>
<p>u/mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues    <br/>
Hey, no. No guilt. I didn’t stick out therapy long, but one thing I did learn is that my trauma isn’t any less just because other people have it harder. All you need to deal with right now is YOU. (Thanks for not being a homophobe!)   </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unsent replies by u/despairingsonthrowaway </p>
<p>Of course I’m not a homophobe, I don’t hate myself that much  </p>
<p>You’re the first person I’ve ever told this to, but I’m totally bi myself so how could I be homophobic?  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>u/despairingsonthrowaway    <br/>
Well if you say so... I guess therapy is very possibly a potential thing in my future. (And of course not, what kind of human do you take me for?)  </p>
<p>u/mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues   <br/>
Yeah therapy wasn't really my thing but I know it helps some people. And you don't have to decide everything today. You've had a big day already. Get some sleep (if it's evening for you?) and you can get a fresh start in the morning. You can do this!  </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b> Texts between Richie and Stan </b> </p>
<p><b> Richie: </b> So, I totally don’t say this enough, but you totally saved my life when you took me in back when I was 17, you know that? Thanks, dude. <br/>
<b>Stan: </b> Ok... what brought this on? <br/>
<b>Stan: </b> Are you okay? Do I need to come over there and give you a hug? <br/>
<b>Stan: </b> Should I call 911??? <br/>
<b>Stan: </b> Please just tell me your ok??? <br/>
<b>Richie: </b> What?? Yeah I’m fine. I’m feeling pretty good this evening actually? Just had a moment that reminded me of back then and how much better my life is now! <br/>
<b>Richie: </b> But if you and Patty happen to have any leftovers I can totally come over for that hug? (I may have fallen down a bit of an internet rabbit hole this evening and forgot to like, cook dinner?) <br/>
<b>Richie: </b> Although I totally didn’t realise how late it actually was 🤦♂️maybe I should just eat cereal and get to bed before midnight for once. Supposed to be filming first thing tomorrow. <br/>
<b>Richie: </b> But I promise it’s all good 😎👍 <br/>
<b>Stan: </b> 👍 </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Prologue: Friday June 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b> Eddie’s Notes: To-do </b>    <br/>
<b> 08:30 </b>  </p><p>Call AT&amp;T about new #  <br/>
Call Chase to check acc access    <br/>
Cancel res. at D’s    <br/>
Weekly meeting moved to 12:30 (remind Mike!)  </p><p>  </p><p><b> T</b><b>exts </b><b>between Bev and Richie  </b>  <br/>
<b> 09:25 </b>  </p><p><b> Bev: </b>   is THAT seriously what you're wearing for your video today??  <br/>
<b> Richie: </b>   Uhh, yeah?  <br/>
<b> Ri</b><b>chie: </b>   Why?    <br/>
<b> Bev: </b>   You’re kidding me. 🤦♀️    <br/>
<b> Bev: </b>   Do you actually own a mirror?    <br/>
<b> Bev: </b>   I know you mostly do the celebrity stuff but you have worked at a magazine with a FASHION DEPARTMENT for FIVE YEARS and you still dress like a toddler I don't know how you do it?    <br/>
<b> Bev: </b>   🤷♀️This is why I keep telling Audra that we should have a wardrobe crew for the filmed content...    <br/>
<b> Richie: </b>   😢😢😢    <br/>
<b> Richie: </b>   So 1. toddlers only WISH they had this slick style    <br/>
<b> Richie: </b>   And 2. You keep being so mean to me and you can forget monday morning Starbucks runs!    <br/>
<b> Bev: </b> 💚💚💚  </p><p>  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Texts </b><b>between Eddie and Stan<br/>
</b> <b> 10:15 </b>  </p><p><b> Eddie: </b>   Hey, Stan, did you get a chance to check over that restructuring contract for Mrs L?  <br/>
<b> Stan: </b>   Yeah, sorry. Doesn’t look like any way out of it. Those places are usually pretty good but they definitely messed up on this one.    <br/>
<b> Eddie: </b>   Dammit. I thought as much, but always worth a 2 nd  set of eyes on these things. I’ll see what I can work out for her on Monday...    <br/>
<b> Stan: </b>   Sorry.     <br/>
<b> Stan: </b>   You up for lunch after the weekly brief today? Ben and I were thinking of going to that nice little sandwich place you like    <br/>
<b> Eddie: </b> Sounds good!  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Texts </b><b>between Bev and Patty </b>  <br/>
<b> 14:43 </b>  </p><p><b> Bev: </b>   Hey, what time am I picking you up tomorrow for the anniversary dressathon?    <br/>
<b> Patty: </b>   Maybe like 9-930? I want to get started before it gets too busy in the city and give us plenty time to find me the perfect dress, but I’m getting too old for dawn starts on shopping trips!    <br/>
<b> Bev: </b>   Great. I’ll pick up some pastries on my way to you! We can have car!brunch.    <br/>
<b> Patty: </b> 💜🥐😊  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Groupchat </b><b>Texts</b>: <b>BBQ Trivia Champs x2! (Eddie, Stan, Mike, Ben) </b>    <br/>
<b> 15:02 </b>  </p><p><b> Stan: </b>  Forgot to ask at lunch today, anyone for belated-payday-drinks after work today? Since we were all busy last week and all?  <br/>
<b> Ben: </b>  YES PLEASE. This week has lasted a month already so it’s totally valid...    <br/>
<b> Stan: </b>  👍👍👍    <br/>
<b> Mike: </b>  I might be a bit late, I’ve got a meeting with the co-ordinator of that new food pantry late this afternoon which might run long, but count me in!    <br/>
<b> Stan: </b>  2 down... Eddie?    <br/>
<b> Eddie: </b>   Sorry guys. I have some errands to run this evening ☹ Next time, though. I promise!    <br/>
<b> Stan: </b> I’ll hold you to that!!!  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Reddit </b><b>Direct </b><b>Chat </b>  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 4:35pm    <br/>
So I didn’t even know this was a thing that existed until I accidentally clicked something just now, but it seems a bit less... unwieldy? than the messages system. So we can switch, if you want? Also, you were absolutely right. Things seem a little less overwhelmingly impossible today after some sleep. I still have a to-do list that is about 3 miles long, but I could at least face making a to-do list.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.21pm    <br/>
Hey, sorry I only just saw this. Work got a bit crazy this afternoon. Totally fine with switching to chat (which I did know existed, but I’ve never used it before, so exciting!) and well done you on the to-do lists. That’s way more organised than I know how to be, lol!  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5:30pm    <br/>
No problem, I am familiar with work taking over sometimes! I... don’t think I could survive without my to-do lists. Whether this is a product of how my mom was growing up or what I don’t know, but I like to have a plan, and then tick everything off the plan so I know I can relax.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.32pm    <br/>
tbh I probably totally should write lists, I am forever remembering shit at the last minute and having to scramble, but it always seems like a ton of effort when I could just be doing the things.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.33pm    <br/>
If my mom had been the type to actually care about stuff like that, I would totally have been that stereotype of a kid who suddenly needs a pile of stuff for a project at school the next day and the mom has to like, stay up all night glueing or whatever.  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.36pm    <br/>
I stopped telling my mom I had projects at all after a bit, because even with plenty time she’d still want to do it for me. And I wanted to be judged on my own work. Which probably should have been a sign, but I was like, 9. I just thought she really loved me.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.38pm    <br/>
Well we make quite the pair! I stopped telling my mom about projects because there was no point, she didn’t care enough to buy stuff for me<br/>
anyway. You stopped telling your mom because, well, as far as your tiny child brain knew, she cared too much. Great parenting all around, folks!  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.40pm    <br/>
Even though I’m realising now how messed up some of my mom’s behaviour is and was, I’d rather have had my childhood where at least I thought my mom cared. Sorry yours didn’t.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.40pm    <br/>
Ah well, it is what it is. It taught me a bunch of stuff about how to look after myself, at least in practical skills, so I guess it maybe helped later in a way. I survived!  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.41pm    <br/>
Well at least you can be positive about it now! And in other positive news, I had a meeting at my bank this afternoon (because they wouldn’t get into it with me on the phone) and my mom definitely can’t get at any of my financials so that’s one thing off the list!  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.43pm    <br/>
Great to hear, must be a relief to confirm even if you thought it was probably fine!  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.43pm    <br/>
Yep! And my number should be changed by Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest (idk why it takes days but my provider said it couldn’t be faster unless I took out a whole new plan and bought out my old one) so that’ll be another one to check off.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.44pm    <br/>
🎉🎉🎉  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.46pm    <br/>
idk, so far the actual logistical side of all of this seems way too easy. maybe I’m just paranoid but it feels like something is surely gonna come back to bite me?  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.47pm    <br/>
I mean, I can’t promise that something won’t come up but you seem to be in a pretty stable place in terms of just, like, survival, so you’re probably good. And honestly even from the little you’ve said about the way you grew up, a little paranoia is probably to be expected? Your mom was constantly telling you danger was right around the corner even if it wasn’t for your entire childhood, so like... it’s gonna take time to stop looking for it?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.49pm    <br/>
Tbh, my ex was probably even worse. Which is no doubt part of why my mom liked her so much. She pretty much encouraged me to be suspicious of everytihng and everyone. The few friends I do have were seriously dodgy characters, if you were to believe her.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.52pm    <br/>
What, are they in the mob? Secretly plotting your assassination?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.54pm    <br/>
You joke, but I tihnk it might have been suggested once. And it’s just ridiculous, you couldn’t find a more straight up bunch of genuinely nice guys if you tried. The very idea of them ordering a hit is actually hilarious.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.56pm    <br/>
Hey, don’t underestimate what ppl will do if they’re really pushed, or someone hurts someone they love. My best friend totally seems like the kind of guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly, and normally he is, but if he’d known how to find a hit man back when we met, my dad would be 6 feet under right now.  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.57pm    <br/>
I’m... not sure I actually know anyone who loves me enough to have someone killed. Not even my mom, as obsessive as she is...  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.58pm    <br/>
Aww, man. We need to get you better friends.   </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.58pm    <br/>
but you know... “you give a little love and it all comes back to you” (da da da dadadada)  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.58pm    <br/>
wait, what the hell is that supposed to mean?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.59pm    <br/>
I don’t love people enough to deserve to be loved back?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 5.59pm    <br/>
Fuck you, man. I thought you were supposed to be my friend????  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.59pm    <br/>
wait wait wiat nononno stop  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.59pm    <br/>
thats not wath i menat at all  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.59pm    <br/>
its a movie quote? or lyric ig?  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 5.59pm    <br/>
bugsy malone? mafia movie but like with kids and songs?   </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 6.00pm    <br/>
I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.00pm    <br/>
sorry. i was going for funny and cheering up  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.00pm    <br/>
but i guess i can see how it sounds bad if you don’t know the reference  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.01pm    <br/>
sorry.   </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.01pm    <br/>
please still let me be ur friend  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.01pm    <br/>
but also: how have you never seen this movie? It’s a classic? And it has Jodie Foster when she was like, 14? And tiny adorable Scott Baio??  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 6.02pm    <br/>
I recognise those names but I am taking your word for it that this movie is a thing that exists and you’re not just an asshole (because you haven’t seemed like one so far...)  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.02pm    <br/>
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugsy_Malone"> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugsy_Malone </a> see it’s totally a real movie. and one I am totally gonna make you watch somehow.   </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.03pm    <br/>
because it is the best gangster movie ever and I am taking no arguments  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 6.03pm    <br/>
Really? Not like, the godfather, or goodfellas, or any movie I’ve actually heard of?  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.04pm    <br/>
100%. they don’t have tallulah, or splurge guns. automatic fail.  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 6.04pm    <br/>
I don’t think I know you well enough yet to know if I should trust your taste...  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.05pm    <br/>
oh my best friends would absolutley tell you you shouldn’t. but they don’t mean it 😜  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.05pm    <br/>
and even they let me pick most of the time on movie night   </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 6.05pm    <br/>
because you have good suggestions or because you whine if they don’t?  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.05pm    <br/>
70/30?  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.05pm    <br/>
but honestly I watch a ton of movies so they do actually trust my opinions  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 6.06pm    <br/>
ok, so hit me: top 10 you tihnk I should have watched (not including this bugsy thing)  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 6.06pm    <br/>
oh now you’ve got me started...  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Reddit </b><b>Direct Chat </b> </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 10.56pm    <br/>
no no no. no way. that was a terrible finale but it comes a distant 2nd at worst  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 10.57pm    <br/>
but it wasn’t even a coherent plot? it was like the people that wrote it had never seen the rest of the show?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 10.58pm    <br/>
i’ll take incoherent over deliberately shitting all over the previous several seasons. the outcry was insane.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 10.59pm    <br/>
well yeah, but ditto.  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11.00pm    <br/>
maybe we just agree that they both sucked and agree to disagree over which sucked more, lol  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.00pm    <br/>
deal  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11.01pm    <br/>
tbh at this point i’m surprised when I actually enjoy the series finale of a show. there are so many that are awful.  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.02pm    <br/>
don’t laugh, but there are a few shows I have deliberately not watched the last one? like, partly so they can’t accidentlaly ruin it but also if I never watch the end then it’s not really the end?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.02pm    <br/>
it’s stupid, idk  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11.03pm    <br/>
it’s a bit quirky, sure, but not stupid. it’s kinda sweet 😍  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.04pm    <br/>
so I just yawned so hard I nearly cracked my jaw and uh... how did I not notice that it’s so late?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.04pm    <br/>
there are literally timestamps on every single one of our posts??  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11.05pm    <br/>
cutting in on your beauty sleep?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.06pm    <br/>
😛  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.06pm    <br/>
but honestly I do actually have a spin class booked at the gym at 9am so... kinda?  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11.07pm    <br/>
ok, go turn into a pumpkin if you have to, Frankie  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.07pm    <br/>
I said Frank, but my eyes are closing too fast to argue rn  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11.07pm    <br/>
g'night, Frank  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11.08pm    <br/>
night Sam 🙂😴  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/DearFriendAU">@DearFriendAU</a> on twitter for picture updates every Wednesday and Saturday!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Prologue: Saturday June 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> between Patty and Bev</span>
  </b>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>09:25</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Hey sweetie, massive line at the bakery (Saturday morning pastries are popular, who knew!) so I’m gonna be a bit late</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>But just like, 10 minutes or so, I’ll be there soon!</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Dressathon, here we come!</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Patty and </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Bill</span>
  </b>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>09:52</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Hey boss, not to take up your Saturday or anything, just wanted to let you know that MG’s agent finally got back to me (at 2am this morning, what kind of time is that?) and they’re open to discussing that interview you wanted.</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Just so I don’t forget on Monday morning :)</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>👍👍👍</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.38am<br/></span>
  <span>shit shit shit shit shit</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.42am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>what’s wrong???</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.42am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>anything I can help with?</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.43am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>it was all too easy. I think I might have to move after all</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.44am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>and I really don’t want to move because I like my neighbourhood and my house and my landlady</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.44am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>but? mom or ex?</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.44am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>ex. the fact that my mom doesn’t live in the same town (a fact she has been vocally not happy with me about for years) and doesn’t drive is probably the only thing that’s stopping her but yeah.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.45am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I was driving down my street coming home from the gym and luckily I spotted her car from a couple blocks away so I could swing down a side road and I don’t think she saw me. </span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.45am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>So you’re just sat parked in your car on some random street? </span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.45am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Parked up near a cafe (not one I’ve been to before so she probably won’t look) and am just walking there now. </span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.46am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>hopefully they’ll have a free table and I can just get a juice and maybe a snack and work out some kind of plan</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.47am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>for today, that is. obviously the bigger plan is to find somewhere new to live but that’s probably gonna take more than just today to work out</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.47am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>ugh this is just such a nightmare</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.48am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>from what you’ve said I’m thinking maybe not, but is just waiting it out for a couple hours likely to work? if she’s been there for a while already how long will she last?</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.48am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>well they’ve got a nice free table in a corner at least so I can sit for a bit! and I’m trying some cake thing with coconut and almonds, since I’m not allergic after all!</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.48am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>but no, I don’t think a couple of hours will work. she knows my regular weekend routine, i’ve been going to this same class for nearly a year, so she probably only just got there in time to wait for me to get home.</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.49am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>and she doesn’t give up easy. I thought maybe she’d taken the break-up ok and would just leave me alone, but...🤷‍♂️</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.50m</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>although it’s also possible my mom is involved in this. she and the ex were always close, and me breaking up with her was just one part of the fight we had on wednesday...</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.52am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>you said you like your neighbourhood, are you close enough with any of your neighbours that they could let you know if she leaves? </span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.53am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>or even maybe to mislead her about where you are?</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.53am </span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>and when you’ll be back? </span>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.53m</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>that’s actually a really good idea</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.53m</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>my landlady lives in the other half of my duplex and we get on pretty well. and she always hated the ex... she’d probably really enjoy making her waste her time...</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>11:03</span>
  </b>
  
  
  <b>
    <span>*screenshot of Eddie’s phone with phone call with “Mrs P, Landlady”, time of call 9 mins*</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.56am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>sounds like a great idea if she’s up for it!</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.05am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>oh she was more than up for it. she looks like such a frail little old lady (and she’s legitimately kinda frail) but she’s still a firecracker</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.06am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>if anything she took my idea and ran away with it. </span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.07am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>👍👍👍</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.07am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I said just to tell her we’d run into each other this morning and I’d mentioned I was going to a particular place after the gym</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.08am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>she suggested - and I agreed - that she actually tell the ex I’d told her yesterday I was heading away for the weekend to clear my head (which honestly sounds like a really nice idea?) and wasn’t expected back until late tomorrow. </span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.09am</span>
  
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>There’s a place in the country we went once about 9 months ago or so, for a weekend. Few hours drive from here. She’s gonna heavily hint that that’s where I am...</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.10am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>that is seriously devious, I 💚 it!</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.11am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>She’s going to drop me a text when she’s absolutely sure the ex has gone (although sadly we can’t know if she took the bait...) so I can go home. And I’m gonna have to drop by and tell her that I’m gonna have to move out.</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.11am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I’ve lived there a pretty long time now, it’s gonna suck to go. But if the ex finds me, that’s probably step 1 to my mom, and I just can’t take that risk 😕</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.12am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>😥</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.12am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>and I’m super not looking forward to househunting. I got so lucky when I found this place, I’m scared to see what’s out there right now on my budget!</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.13am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>as someone who has ended up with some terrible roommates in my time, 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.13am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>might need some distraction later. I might even risk one of those movie recs... 😜</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.13am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I’m hurt that you still don’t trust me!</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.14am</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>🤷‍♂️</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> between Richie and Bev</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>16:22</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>*a photo of Patty clearly taken in a store fitting room*</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Look at the amazing dress we found for Patty today!</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Stan is going to lose his mind at their anniversary dinner this year! 🥵</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>You spent the day with Pattycakes and I wasn’t invited??</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>I see how it is! 😭😭😭</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>So to start with: you hate shopping. The last time we took you shopping with us you complained nonstop the entire time</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>And also: we have previously established that you have less than zero fashion sense. Were you planning on being helpful?</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>I could have... offered a man’s perspective?</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Sweetie, for what we were looking for, I don’t think a gay man could tell us much we couldn’t figure out for ourselves 😉 You and Stan are looking for very different things!</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Well you’ve clearly never watched Captain America with Stan, is all I can say to that. 🥵</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>I’ve just spent a lot of today being a boring adult and doing like, laundry and shit. Even shopping sounds like a better time!</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>My little Richie, all grown up and doing his own housework! 🥰🥰</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>🖕</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.12pm</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>ok so this is far far from the best movie ever, but I will admit that it’s fun</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.13pm</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>and definitely the best one so far</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.14pm</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>hey, I never promised classy high quality movies</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.14pm</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I promised distraction from the boring world of house hunting, and explosions.</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.15pm</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>fair</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.15pm</span>
  <span>  <br/></span>
  <span>I can also give you plenty of opinions on depressing oscar-bait types (I say that but some of them aren’t actually half bad) but that didn’t seem like what you needed today</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.16pm</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>as stupid as some of these have been, I will admit to being cheered up massively after the nightmare of this morning</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.17pm</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>then mission accomplished!</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>7.17pm</span>
  
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>💪💪💪</span>
  
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Prologue: Sunday June 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.36pm<br/></span>
  <span>wait, the guns LITERALLY FIRE WHIP CREAM???</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.37pm <br/></span>
  <span>why has no one made these a real thing?</span>
  
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Prologue: Monday June 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b> Eddie’s Email inbox </b>  </p><p><b> To: eddiekaspbrak@gmail.com </b>    <br/><b> From: propertysearch@nielboltrentals.com </b>    <br/><b> Sent: Monday, June 8, 09:10:14 </b>    <br/><b> Subject: New properties for you! </b>    <br/><b> Attachments: 13795412.pdf; 13597622.pdf; 13845298.pdf </b>    </p><p>Dear Mr Kaspbrak,    </p><p>Please find attached a selection of our properties which we feel you may be interested in based on the search criteria you have given us. Prices and property availability are correct as at 09:00, 6/8/20.    </p><p>If you are interested in arranging a viewing of any of these properties or others on our website, please give us a call at 555-7368 or drop us an email!    </p><p>Thanks for your interest and for choosing Neibolt for your property needs!    </p><p>  </p><p><b> Richie’s Email inbox </b>  </p><p><b> To: Turtl_Staff_All </b>    <br/><b> From:   </b> <b> •  </b> <b> Patricia Blum </b>    <br/><b> Sent: Monday, June 8, 09:15 </b>    <br/><b> Subject: Exciting New Secondment Opportunity! </b>    <br/><b> attachments: application_template.docx </b>    </p><p>Good morning, all!    </p><p>As you all know, we in the special features department are always working on new concepts for fun strands to add to Turtl’s output. After analysis of the latest feedback from our readers, we are launching a new major feature concentrating on helping our young fans navigate the adult world! “How To Adult” is due to launch in September, to coincide with the start of the new school year, with the plan of running until next summer break.    </p><p>As this is a major project, we are offering two secondment positions within the features department to collaborate on this with the assigned features staff writer and external experts. The secondment will run for a year starting from the first week of July!    </p><p>No specific knowledge of the topics at hand is required, we just need your usual enthusiam and bunches of creativity to bring life to these important subjects! We especially welcome applications from our fabulous range of on-camera talent.    </p><p>As the turnaround is tight, we are looking to make decisions at the end of this week, so get your applications in ASAP! The application form is attached to this email - no additional material is required, but please note the requirement for sign-off from your current supervising editor.    </p><p>Completed applications should be sealed in an internal envelope and placed in the tray labelled for this purpose outside my office.    </p><p>Hoping to hear from you all soon,    </p><p>Patty Blum<br/>Features Editor  </p><p>  </p><p><b> To:  </b> <b> •  </b> <b> Richie Tozier </b>   <br/><b> From:   </b> <b> •  </b> <b> Don Haggerty </b>    <br/><b> Sent: Monday, June 8, 9:27 </b>    <br/><b> Subject: fw: Exciting New Secondment Opportunity! </b>    </p><p>Hey Richie,    </p><p>Not that I am trying to get rid of you, you’re amazing at what you do and a credit to our staff, but I just want to let you know, as your supervising editor, that I thoroughly encourage you to apply for this opportunity.    </p><p>I believe your talent is far greater than the little we’ve seen for the past years, so as much as I love the ‘Richie Trashes Celeb News’ series, I want to see you spread your wings and show off what you can really do!    </p><p>Obviously if you decide against it, we’re so happy to keep you on the team.    </p><p>But I really do think you could be amazing for this.    </p><p>Don Haggerty  <br/>Celebrity Editor  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Texts </b> <b>  between Kay and Bev </b>    <br/><b> 09:45 </b>  </p><p><b> Bev: </b>   Do you think Audra would be upset if I applied for that secondment position?    <br/><b> Kay: </b>   Are you thinking about applying, then?    <br/><b> Bev: </b>   Yeah.    <br/><b> Bev: </b>   I still adore fashion, and I’d be coming back after, but after everything that happened with Tom... I think I need to take a break from the fashion industry    <br/><b> ay: </b>   Totally reasonable, and I think Audra would understand that too. She’d be sad to lose your talents for a year, we all would, but she wouldn’t say no, I don’t think.    <br/><b> Kay: </b>   She’s a reasonable person.    <br/><b> Kay: </b>   And it’s not like you’d be going far!     <br/><b> Bev: </b>   You’ll still probably see me every day!    <br/><b> Bev: </b>   And you’re not kicking me out of Won Ton Wednesdays so easily!    <br/><b> Bev: </b>   And I might not even get it.    <br/><b> Kay: </b>   If you go for it, you’ll absolutely get it. Your writing is amazing. 💕    <br/><b> Bev: </b> 💕  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Eddie’s  </b> <b> Email inbox </b>  </p><p><b> To: eddiekaspbrak@gmail.com </b>    <br/><b> From: propertysearch@nielboltrentals.com </b>    <br/><b> Sent: Monday, June 8, 11:18:29 </b>    <br/><b> Subject: re: property viewing request </b>    </p><p>Dear Mr Kaspbrak,    </p><p>Sorry to inform you that the property on White Lees Lane has been signed to a new lease just this morning.     </p><p>I apologise for the disappointment. Please let us know if there are other properties that interest you.    </p><p>Thanks for your interest and for choosing Neibolt for your property needs!  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Reddit </b> <b>  Direct Chat </b> </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.27am    <br/>have I mentioned yet how much I hate househunting?  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.28am    <br/>I don’t remember it being this awful last time I moved, but its like the rental agencies are actually TRYING to torture me...  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11:45am    <br/>you may have mentioned it just once or twice...  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11:45am    <br/>and sorry. I’ve pretty much lived in the same place for like 4 years now so the memory of the pain has dulled  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11:46am    <br/>(but I wouldn’t recommend sofasurfing, for what it’s worth!)  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.47am    <br/>...I guess I really should think myself lucky, I’m not actually facing the idea of being homeless  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11:48am    <br/>remember that whole thing about trauma not being a competition? yeah that. And hey, I never actually had to sleep on the streets, even if I spent a couple nights sleeping on a greyhound.   </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11:49am    <br/>sofasurfing is kinda stressful but even I was pretty lucky that I kept finding people to take me in for a few days  </p><p><b> despairingsonthrowaway  </b> 11.50am    <br/>ok then I reiterate: househunting sucks. I hope if you ever have to move again, wherever you live has a better rental market than this!  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11:51am    <br/>I’ll think up some more distracting movie selections for this evening!  </p><p><b> mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues  </b> 11:52am    <br/>I’m thinking maybe action flicks with questionable plots...  </p><p>  </p><p><b> Stan’s  </b> <b> Email outbox </b>  </p><p><b> To:  </b> <b> Heather Balliol </b>  <br/><b> From:   </b> <b> Stan Uris </b>    <br/><b> Sent: Monday, June 8, 13:52 </b>    <br/><b> Subject: re: re: Turtl Magazine Collaboration Possibility </b>    </p><p>Hi Heather,    </p><p>Just wanted to catch up with you on where we are with discussions/negotiations with Turtl about this project? Obviously I have a vested interest given that it’s an opportunity for me to maybe work (indirectly) with my wife, but I genuinely think it’s a great idea, both for DCS and the Turtl readership.    </p><p>I know they’re planning to launch soon so hopefully it’s all going well!    </p><p>Regards,    </p><p>Stan  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Prologue: Tuesday June 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: Blum-Uris Home For Wayward Zillenials (Stan/Patty/Richie/Bev)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>09:42</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> We got it, DCS is officially partnering with Turtl on the how to be an adult thing!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Do you know for sure you’ll be on the team yet, sweetie?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I get to pick my own team and everything!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Tempted to just pick the people I’m friendly with (they’re smart guys!) but I want to do my research this week to make sure</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I already applied! 💕 Sounds like a fun project and I wouldn’t have to risk talking to scumbag designers for a year!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I wasn’t going to apply because I am so totally not qualified</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> even though my boss for some reason basically told me to (p. sure he just wants not to deal with me every day tbh)</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> but for a chance to actually work with stan tha man??</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> *fills out form*</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Dan thinks you’re great, he’d never want to be rid of you</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> But he’s also right, you should apply, because you are 100% qualified</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> And Bill (and your co-secondee whoever that ends up being) would no doubt love to help write crazy sketches with you if you got it</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’m filling out the application already, stop with the hassle!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Richie’s Email outbox <br/></span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>To: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>• </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Don Haggerty</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>From:  </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>• </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Richie Tozier</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Sent: Tuesday, June 9, 10:03</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: re: fw: Exciting New Secondment Opportunity!</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hey Don,</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just officially letting you know that I’m putting in my application for this after all. I don’t really expect to get it, but I’ll come by your office for the sign-off once I’ve finished the form.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thanks,</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie’s Email inbox</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>To: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>edward.kaspbrak@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>, </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>stan.uris@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>, </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>ben.hanscom@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>, </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>adrian.mellon@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> &amp; 5 more</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>From: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>mike.hanlon@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Sent: Tuesday, June 8, 11:19</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: Reminder: Food Drive!</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hello all!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>This is a reminder that the food drive you all agreed to help with is THIS FRIDAY AFTERNOON. We’re opening for donations at 3, so we’ll be heading over to the community hall around 1:30-2 to start setting up. We are in theory open until 7, but if there are still people showing up around then we won’t be turning anyone away. If we keep on top of the sorting as donations arrive we should be done and able to drop it off with my contact at the food pantry by 8. And then first round will be on me!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>I already have a couple of you who’ve told me they won’t be able to lift heavy boxes, so I can make sure to organise jobs appropriately. If anyone else has any limitations (or injures themselves before Friday) please let me know ASAP so I’m not trying to juggle people around on the day!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thanks,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mike</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>To: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>eddiekaspbrak@gmail.com</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>From: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>propertysearch@nielboltrentals.com</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Sent: Tuesday, June 9, 12:32</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: property viewing confirmation</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dear Mr Kaspbrak,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Following our telephone discussion this morning, I can confirm viewings at the properties on Green Street and Penny Road this evening at 5:10pm and 6:00pm respectively.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Our agent will meet you at these properties. Please let us know ASAP if you are unable to keep these appointments.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p><span>Thanks for your interest and for choosing Neibolt for your property needs!</span> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>1.06pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>so you know how I told you you needed friends?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>i take it all back, my friends are horrendous bullies.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>or maybe that’s a big much but they’re definitely vicious nags!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>if i say I’m doing something then i’m doing it, but i think they still think i’m a flighty 17yo</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>1.09pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I’m sure it comes from a place of love, they just want the best for you</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>and tbh, even without being particularly close, some of my coworkers also tend towards the nag sometimes</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>although it’s less to do stuff, and more to like... relax and go for drinks with them</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>1.11pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>i mean, that might be how you turn them from coworkers you get along with into actual friends??</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>1.12pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I guess I know that</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>but to be fair until lately I had a very high maintenance girlfriend and an even more time consuming mother to deal with</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>1.14pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>fair, but now you’re free! you should totally see more of these coworkers you’re already friendly with!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>1.15pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>i’ll feel much more free once I find a new place to live and can stop doing my commutes at bizarre hours to avoid any ex-gf run-ins at my place!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>1.15pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>🤞🤞🤞</span>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Patty and Stan</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>14:23</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Hey babylove, I was thinking I’d pick up some takeout on my way home today to celebrate that we’ll be working together for the next year 🥰🥰</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Any preferences?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Ooh, Thai from that new place we found last time? </span>
  <br/>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> It’s a bit out of the way for the trip home but it was so much better than the old place!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Done!</span>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Been falling a bit behind on these transcripts compared to what is up on twitter, but am aiming to get the rest of the prologue posted here before part 1 starts on twitter! (remember you can find the twitter version at <a href="https://twitter.com/DearFriendAU">@DearFriendAU</a>)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Prologue: Wednesday June 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie’s Notes: To-do: Moving</span>
  </b>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Transfer cable</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>Get final utilities bill numbers</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>Hire van</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>Make schedule with Mrs P for mowing lawns</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>submit change of address paperwork </span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: BBQ Trivia Champs, woop! (Eddie, Stan, Mike, Ben)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>11:22</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Hey guys, bit of a favour to ask</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> You guys know I’ve been looking for a new place and I put down first and last yesterday </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Congrats on finding the new place</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Sucks that Myra took the breakup so badly you’re having to move, but glad you’ve got somewhere</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 👍</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Yeah it was looking like it might take forever but had some luck!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> But it means I’m not gonna be in next Thurs so I can get all my stuff moved</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I have a few appointments that day that kind of overlap with you guys areas</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’m gonna see if I can move the ones that are complex and ongoing, but do you guys have any availability to take a few?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Absolutely, Eddie. We got your back! I’m free most of that afternoon actually, had a couple cancellations</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’ll email you my schedule spaces for the day, I’ll need to check but I should be able to take a couple 🙂</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Ditto ^^</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Thanks, guys!</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>12.46pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>I’m moving! I mean, not for a few more days yet, but househunting is over!</span>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>12.51pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>Congrats! 🎉3</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>So you’ve got a lot to do then i guess? </span>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>12.54pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>oh an absolute ton. I’m just glad that my current landlady was so good about it. Definitely helps that she hated the ex so as far as she’s concerned, it’s all her fault</span>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>12.56pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>silver linings, I guess?</span>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>12.59pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>yep. one more week and I will truly be free!</span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Prologue: Thursday June 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Stan’s Email outbox</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>To: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>• </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>HR_Services</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>From:  </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>• </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Stan Uris</span>
  </b>
  <br/>
<b>
    <span>Sent: Thursday, June 11, 10:14</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: re: re: Staff Profiles for Collaboration Project</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hi Jennifer and Louise,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thanks for your help in going through these. I think I’ve probably made my decision but I’m going to think on it over the weekend and I’ll let you know first thing Monday morning so you can get all the relevant paperwork started!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thanks,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stan</span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Prologue: Friday June 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: Team Food Drive! (10 members)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>09:01 <br/>
</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Final reminder everyone! Food drive is TODAY! I hope you’ve all got your lifting and sorting hats ready and waiting because we’re expecting a good turnout!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> We are leaving for the community hall at 1:30! Don’t forget!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> And obviously if you brought any donations yourself, remember to bring those along too!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Sorting hats, Mike? Really?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Bev’s Email inbox</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>To: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>• </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Bev Marsh</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>From:  </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>• </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Matthew Turin</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Sent: Friday, June 12, 10:14</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: Secondment Application for New Feature Strand</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dear Ms Marsh,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Congratulations!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Your application to join the features team on secondment for the new “How to Adult” item has been successful!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beginning July 6</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> 2020 and running to June 25</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> 2021 you will report to Patricia Blum, features editor. Your current remuneration and benefits package will remain unchanged.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once again, congratulations. We look forward to seeing your work in this new area!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Regards,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthew Turin</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>Editor-in-Chief, Turtl Magazine</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: Blum-Uris Home For Wayward Zillenials (Stan/Patty/Richie/Bev)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>10:32</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Richie, have you heard yet?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I don’t want to say anything until you’ve heard.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’m pretty sure there’s some, like, favoritism or nepotism or something going on here because I actually got it??</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Me too!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉💕💕</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I actually handed off the decision making process almost entirely to Matt. To make sure that there *wasn’t* any favoritism.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I did the initial shortlist from the applications I got but there were still like, 8 forms I passed off. So you two got it fair and square!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I told her she should just choose herself and if there’s a bit of nepotism for our favourite adopted children then so be it, but she refused</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’m so glad it’s you two though! We’ve never had enough chance to work together in all the years we’ve all been at Turtl!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> although I won’t be on the project all the time. I still have the rest of the features dept to still run. </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> but some of the time! And Bill will be so happy it’s you guys too!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I still don’t know that I’m the best person for this but I’m definitely looking forward to working with my wonderful found family!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 💚💚💚💜💜💜❤❤❤💚💚</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>1.45pm</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>so I think I might be having a bout of imposter syndrome?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>or maybe i’m entirely wrong about what imposter syndrome is and i’m iavhing something else entirely</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>but whatever it is i’m having I don’t like it 😕</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>and i don’t know if there’s a way to make it go away</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.25pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>sorry got a work thing, only just saw this</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>what's wrong?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.29pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>oh no i don’t want to take you away from work if it’s important</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.30pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>I mean, in the grander scheme of things it’s kind of important, but it’s not, like, urgent right this moment?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>I can talk</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>and besides you’ve listened to/distracted me from plenty of my problems. it’s my turn 😊</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.32pm</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>that’s not exactly how friendships normally work but ok</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>so I got this... well, not exactly a promotion</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>but I’ve been given... different responsibilities? at work. </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>starting super soon so it’s not like I have time to learn new stuff</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.34pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>they wouldn’t have given you it if they didn’t think you could do it, right?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.34pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>thats what my firends tell me</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>and my current boss too, i guess, but he’s getting rid of me to this so?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.36pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>most companies don’t tend to actively sabotage themselves?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>and if you really really don’t want to do it, can’t you talk to someone?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.37pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>I mean... TECHNICALLY I applied? </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Mike and Eddie</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>14:37</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> hey Eddie, you planning on actually helping us set up?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> or you just going to play on your phone? </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.37pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>but I honestly didn’t think I’d get it. and now i’m absolutely freaking out</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>the other people on this project are, like, experts?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>and i’m just going to be bumbling around making a mess</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>I know how to do my regular job</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>and i think I’m pretty good at it</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>but this new thing is out of my comfort zone and I worry i’m going to screw the whole thing up</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>2.54pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>sorry, work thing called for a moment there</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>but seriously: just be you</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>they want you for the things you DO know how to do, so just do that</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>anything else you can pick up as you go 🙂👍</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: We Can Adult! (Richie, Stan, Patty, Bev, Bill)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>15:50</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Welcome one and all to this shiny new gc where the name is probably a lie!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> As convener of said gc, I declare that the first order of business should be celebration drinks!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Tonight?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Yeah, that was what I thought</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> well I have a work thing that’s gonna run pretty late but I could swing by for one after</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> just one or two though!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> yeah, we have a very fancy restaurant booked for our anniversary tomorrow, don’t want to be hungover!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 💕💕</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  <span> That sounds like a much more fun night than the night in with my unfinished novel I had planned!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Count me in, I could do with a night out with you guys! </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> We don’t all get together enough!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: We Can Adult! (Richie, Stan, Patty, Bev, Bill)</span>
  </b>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>23:32</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan (21:25):</span>
  </b>
  <span> Safely home! Look after each other, guys.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan (21:25):</span>
  </b>
  <span> And drink some water!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> i loev all you guys</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> thankyuo frrrrmm tonight i relay neded it</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  <span> we shuld doo this mre!!!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.47pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>i mighty be a bit durnk righ now but i just want to sayyy tanks agin for talking me down eariljr. ur a god frined.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.52pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>u2! maye my frist proper friend and we enver evn meet is that sad</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>i thin i mihgt be a bit durnkter than i thought too </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>11.57pm</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>im happy tob ur firiend 😊😊😊</span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Prologue: Saturday June 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.23am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>I apologise for my extremely drunken messaging last night. </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>it seemed appropriate at the time</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>and now I am extremely hungover and want to die</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.35am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>hey now, no apologies needed. I wasn’t exactly sober myself</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>a bunch of us went out for ‘a drink’ after the work thing finished up yesterday</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>and somehow that turned into shots and cocktails and idek what else</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>i don’t think i’ve ever been so drunk, even as a student. i was always scared about giving myself an allergic reaction</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.39am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>well, it’s nice that you were able to relax a bit finally, at least!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.40am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>yeah. but more drunk than ever = more hungover than ever, apparently. I couldn’t even face the IDEA of my spin class this morning</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.41am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>oh no, that would have been a terrible thing to try!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>I had a very brief jogging phase when I was like, 19. And idc what people say, exercise doesn’t make enough endorphins to cure a hangover. it just makes you feel sick.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.43am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>noted</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>I think I might have started the process of actually becoming friends with the people I like at work though</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>so something good came out of this splitting headache!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.44am</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉👍👍👍👍</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>i'm proud of you!!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Richie and Bev</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>10:22</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Please just kill me now</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Only if you kill me first</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’ve taken as many advil as you’re allowed and there is still a drum core marching to their own tune inside my head</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I don’t want to even know how bad it would be if stan HADN’T reminded me to drink a bunch of water when I got home</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> as someone who did not drink any water... it’s bad. </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> really bad.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> if I ever suggest jagerbombs again int he future, please stop me</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> agreed.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> although right now I’d say never suggest alcohol again</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> but I know that’s not going to be a thing</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 🤷♂️</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> shit, I just remembered something from last night...</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span>??????</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> one of the time I went for drinks, I absolutely threw myself at a this really cute guy at the bar?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> the bartender, or?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> oh no, at least it wasn’t that bad. just a guy also getting drinks. </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> and I think (hope) he was also kinda drunk so he might not remember?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> guessing you didn’t get a number out of it?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> oh no, drunk bev was waaaay too sloppy to have a chance of that. </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> i just hope I never see the guy there again or we might have to take the pig &amp; whistle off the list for nights out</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> which would suck because I really like it there</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 🤞🤞🤞</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: BBQ Trivia Champs, woop! (Eddie, Stan, Mike, Ben)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>11:04</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> so the hangover this morning is absolutely brutal, but i’m glad I came out with you guys last night</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> it was fun to have you there!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> we don’t see you relax enough 🙂</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I agree on the hangover though. everything is way too bright and loud this morning 😔</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> and I think there are bits of last night I have forgotten. 🙃 which hasn’t happened in years.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’ll definitely try to come out more. Although probably not as much drinks next time!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Stan disappeared pretty much as soon as we got there though. What gives, Stan? You don’t like us any more?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> yeah, the pig &amp; whistle is a bit of a labyrinth but even so we lost you really fast!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> sorry guys, my wife and some of her work friends were already there and I’d promised to swing by for a quick drink with them before we headed home early</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> it’s our 3</span>
  <span>rd</span>
  <span> anniversary today so we didn’t want to be feeling rough for our fancy dinner reservation later!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Next time 🙂</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> we’re holding you to that too, Eddie!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> now we know you can have fun, you’re not getting out of it so easily!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Stan and Bev</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>17:42</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> You did this deliberately, didn’t you?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 😇😇😇</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> How am I supposed to be seen in a nice restaurant when I have to deal with my wife in that dress? 🥵🥵🥵</span>
  <br/>
<b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> You’re going to get us thrown out!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 🤣🤣🤣🥰🥰🥰🍆🍆🍆</span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Prologue: Sunday June 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Bev and Patty</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>11:36</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <b>
    <span>💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚😊😊😊😊😊😊😍😍😍</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> The dress was a complete success then?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Oh absolutely yes. You’re an angel.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Same again next year?</span>
  <br/>
<b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 🥰🥰🥰🍆🍆🍆</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 100%!</span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Prologue: Monday June 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Stan’s mail outbox</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>To: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>HR_Services</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>From:  </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Stan Uris</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Sent: Monday, June 15, 09:45</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: re: Staff Nominations for Turtl Project</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hi Jennifer and Louise,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Further to our discussion this morning, I am hereby confirming that Michael Hanlon, Benjamin Hanscom and Edward Kaspbrak are the staff members selected for the Turtl Project.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thanks,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stan Uris</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie’s mail inbox</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>To:  </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Mike Hanlon,</span>
  </b>
  
  <b>
    <span>Eddie Kaspbrak, </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Ben Hanscom</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>From: </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>HR_Services</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Sent: Monday, June 15, 09:55</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: Secondment Assignment: Turtl Project</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Attachment: TurtlProjectOutline.docx; Agreement.pdf</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Good morning and congratulations!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You have been selected for an exciting new project working with local teen webzine Turtl. You will be acting as expert consultants on a new feature to be launched teaching teens the basics of skills required to succeed in adult life. Further details of this one year assignment are in the attached information document.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Please sign and return the attached agreement to HR today to confirm your acceptance.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>DCS HR Department</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: BBQ Trivia Champs, woop! (Eddie, Stan, Mike, Ben)</span>
  </b>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>10:12</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Did you all get the email from HR yet???</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’d heard rumblings that this was a thing, and it seems like a solid idea from the information packet, but I have no idea how we ended up the ‘chosen ones’...</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> umm...</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> well, I was the one that pushed for us to apply for the project (for a lot of reasons, only one of which is that my wife is the editor in charge of the dept at turtl that will be doing it)</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> but the most important one, right?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> ...maybe the 2</span>
  <span>nd</span>
  <span> most important?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> the most important is that kids out there need to know these things, especially the ones with sh***y home lives that will be out on their own sooner rather than later</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> fair. but how does this lead to us?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> also: I know you’re senior to us at work, and we’re talking work, but this gc isn’t technically ‘work’. You don’t need to censor the word shitty.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> well, my enthusiasm for the project led them to give me leadership of our side of the project</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> and also to choose who I wanted to take with me</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> you didn’t think to maybe mention this to any of us before?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I wasn’t absolutely sure I was going to pick you guys until literally yesterday</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> What if we say no?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I mean, I’m not necessarily saying that I don’t want to</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> But we do important work here already?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> We have clients we can’t just abandon?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’m not going to force anyone, although I really do think you guys are the best options</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> So I really hope you all agree</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> if this could stop some kids from becoming clients in the future, then I’m in</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> that’s precisely the aim. </span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> so many of the people we see got into trouble when they were practically still kids and it’s really hard to pull yourself out of that without help</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> not to put myself out of a job, but really in the future ideally we would have a lot less to do!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> so we’re trying for like, an early intervention program? Like preventative medicine but for financial and legal health instead of heart disease?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> (my parents have had a bee in their bonnets about prevention over cure my entire life, so it’s what came to mind...)</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> No, it’s a good analogy</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> It still doesn’t help the current people with problems. And we’re already way overworked. Even if our clients can see other advisors, do we actually have the capacity to lose the 4 of us for a whole year??</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> (I do see that the aim of the thing is good, I’m just worried about the logistics. And the poor folks I’ve been dealing with lately)</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> in the IMMEDIATE short term, it will be tough on everyone else to cover the load</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> but the money Turtl are giving DCS for contributing the 4 of us?</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> honestly, it’ll pay for a bunch more people to be trained up and work for the year (or maybe longer), so it SHOULD get better</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> if I thought for a moment that anyone in need would get screwed over by this, I would never have suggested we take it!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> ok, you convinced me. I’m signing the agreement now.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> if I couldn’t follow them into medicine like they wanted, at least I can tell my parents I’m working on helping people before there’s a problem!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Honestly, I’m still worried.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> But I think that’s maybe more just me than anything else.</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I’m choosing to trust you!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Just you wait, this whole thing is gonna be great!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.42am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>looks like you aren’t the only one going through big changes at work!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.43am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>New beginnings for Frankie and Sam!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.43am</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>don’t call me...</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>no, actually, whatever. Frankie and Sam it is!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </span>
  </b>
  <span>10.44am</span>
  <br/>
<span>We’re Going On An Adventure!!</span>
  <span> <br/>
</span>
  <span>*Bilbo running gif*</span>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And here ends the Prologue!</p>
<p>Part 1 begins on twitter tomorrow (Saturday) and I will try to get it converted and on here ASAP</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Part One: Monday June 29 2020</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Fallen a little behind sorry, the twitter is several days into part 1, but formatting this also takes time!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Patty’s Email</span>
  </b>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>To: Patricia Blum</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>From:  Matthew Turin</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Sent: Monday, June 29, 09:42</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: Teambuilding for New Feature</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Attachment: Booking Confirmation.pdf</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Good morning Patty,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As half of the team for the new “How to Adult” strand will be our external experts, I decided it would be a good idea to arrange for some teambuilding activities to allow the whole group to get to know each other properly before the real work begins.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The booking confirmation for the </span>
  <span>3 day</span>
  <span> retreat at Deer Isle Adventure Lake is attached. Please forward to all of your new team.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Looking forward to seeing what you all come up with!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>To: Bill </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Denborough</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>, Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh, </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>edward.kaspbrak@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>, </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>stan.uris@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>, </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>ben.hanscom@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>, </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>mike.hanlon@derrycs.us</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>From:  Patricia Blum</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Sent: Monday, June 29, 10:16</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: Teambuilding!!</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Attachment: Booking Confirmation.pdf, Directions.docx</span>
  </b>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hello all!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Our lovely editor in chief here at </span>
  <span>Turtl</span>
  <span> has decided to treat this new team to a teambuilding retreat to let us all get on the same page before the project kicks off in earnest!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>I have attached the booking details and also directions to the location for those of you who have an aversion to satnav.</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remember to pack casual clothes you can wear for outdoors activities!</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Regards,</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patty Blum</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Features Editor</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Texts: Adulting Feature Team (Patty, Bill, Richie, Bev, Eddie, Stan, Mike, Ben)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>10:41</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Hello all!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>This is Patty, for the DCS guys who might not have my number</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Hopefully you have all digested the email I sent everyone about the teambuilding</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>For the record, not my idea! But I do think getting to know each other before we start working is a good thing</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Obviously some of you do already know each other </span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>but I thought I’d invite you all to this chat so you can all introduce yourselves at least before we meet!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Well</span>
  <span> you all know me!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Yeah, more’s the pity!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> cut me to the bone, Richie, to the bone.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>you know I love you really, Stanny.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Great first impression you’re making here, Rich 💜</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Might as well start as I mean to go on, right?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Oh God, what have I let myself in for?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Richie isn’t as bad as he’s coming across, whichever one of you that is.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> btw I’m Bev. I previously worked in fashion, and I’m super looking forward to working with you all!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> and </span>
  <span>also</span>
  <span> to learning new stuff! because I suspect some of the </span>
  <span>stuff</span>
  <span> we plan to teach these kids is stuff I should know but don’t...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Ben:</span>
  </b>
  <span> hopefully we’ll all learn new things from this! </span>
  <span>Also</span>
  <span> I’m Ben, I’ve worked at DCS for a couple years now and I mostly help people figure out, like, insurance stuff</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Mike:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 🖐 I’m Mike. I do a lot of work with local food pantries and helping the food insecure. Which hopefully we’ll be making a lot less of for the future with this!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>so</span>
  <span> I guess we’re doing the awkward introductions thing then. I’m Eddie Kaspbrak, I’ve been at DCS since I was a junior in college, and my specialism is financial advice (in a fixing-problems way, not an investment way. I’m not registered for that!)</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>take note, everyone. don’t ask </span>
  <span>mr</span>
  
  <span>kaspbrak</span>
  <span> for advice investing our vast lack of fortunes! he’s not allowed!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>this project lasts a year, right?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Yes...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> so just 367 days to put up with this then...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Richie’s not as bad as he seems right now, really</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  <span> he just doesn’t always know when to stop talking</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  <span> and his default setting is stupid jokes</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Hey! I...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>no, I guess fair enough. But my jokes are good.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>the many devotees of my video series at </span>
  <span>Turtl</span>
  <span> tell me so on twitter all the time!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill: </span>
  </b>
  <span>to be fair, Rich. Some of them are only like 12. They just don’t know better yet.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> see if I volunteer to be on any more projects with you after this, Bill </span>
  <span>Denborough</span>
  <span>! </span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> the disrespect!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Eddie:</span>
  </b>
  <span> just 367 days...</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Stan and Patty</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>So</span>
  <span> this is going well so far...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Oh hush, sweetheart. It’s going to be fine.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Eddie might threaten to quit before we even start, but in the </span>
  <span>end</span>
  <span> I think this will be the start of some beautiful friendships...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>I hope you’re right</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>Because right now it looks like it’ll be a miracle if we make it to Christmas without blood being drawn...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Trust me. It’s all going to work out great.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.03pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Have you ever found yourself intensely disliking someone you haven’t even met? (yet)</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.05pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Oh</span>
  <span> all the time. </span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>But </span>
  <span>generally</span>
  <span> like... celebrities and politicians and stuff, who I’m never </span>
  <span>gonna</span>
  <span> have to actually talk to or anything</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>So</span>
  <span> I can just say mean stuff about them at work or whatever and get it out of my system</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.07pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>The ‘yet’ suggests that maybe that’s not what you mean?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.08pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Yeah, no.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I get the celebrity politician thing all the time too (especially these days!)</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.09pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>But this is someone involved in a work thing</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>And we’ve barely spoken but they just... rub me the wrong way, you know?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.10pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Oh no :(</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Maybe you’ll be able to mostly avoid them for your work thing? If there are more people involved?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.10pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Yeah</span>
  <span> there’s a bunch of people, but...</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.11pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Or maybe avoid is the wrong word, just like... let other people kind of subtly be middlemen? </span>
  <span>middlewomen</span>
  <span>? </span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>is there a </span>
  <span>gender neutral</span>
  <span> word for that?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.12pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I’d say the obvious is middleperson but that sounds ridiculous</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.12pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>definitely. </span>
  <span>middlebeing</span>
  <span>? </span>
  <span>middlehuman</span>
  <span>? </span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>they both sound stupid too...</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.13pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I think we need to get away from the ‘middle’ part somehow. There must be a totally different way to say it?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.13pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>honestly all I can think now is the word middle.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>middle </span>
  <span>middle</span>
  
  <span>middle</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.14pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>it’s starting to lose all meaning...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>ok I caved and looked at thesaurus.com</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>it says go-between?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.15pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>...I guess it works</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.16pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>not sure it’s a big enough group to really work but it’s definitely something I’ll give a thought</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.16pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>or you know, maybe this person won’t be as bad as you think</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>maybe you just got off on the wrong foot and you’ll end up the best of friends!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.17pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I really doubt it</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>But I like the optimism!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.18pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>and you need friends </span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>other than me that is. although I know I’m hard to beat.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.18pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>I’d say you can be replaced</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>but honestly, given my track record... I’m not actually counting on it?</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.19pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>hey, don’t talk about my friend like that!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>you’re a great guy. you’re just out of practice :)</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Bev and Richie</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>12:20</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Hey, Richie Rich, sower of chaos</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> Wanna come to lunch with me and Bill and talk about how awful this teambuilding ‘retreat’ is gonna be?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>I’ll be right there</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>And also, I was just trying to break the ice!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Not my fault if some people can’t take it!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Reddit Direct Chat</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.23pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>ok sorry I </span>
  <span>gotta</span>
  <span> shoot</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>got a </span>
  <span>coworker</span>
  <span> friend lunch thing</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>but we can pick this up later!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>despairingsonthrowaway</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>12.24pm</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>have fun!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Texts between Stan and Patty</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>15:02</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Chinese tonight?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Did you forget I have class tonight?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan: </span>
  </b>
  <span>oh</span>
  <span> crap I totally did</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>it's a double because stuff got moved around for the holiday</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>so</span>
  <span> I’m just </span>
  <span>gonna</span>
  <span> have to grab something on my way straight to UMD</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Chinese tomorrow?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Patty: </span>
  </b>
  <span>💜💜💜💜</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Texts: We Can Adult! (Richie, Stan, Patty, Bev, Bill)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>17:43</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Hey Patty, I just had a thought...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> She has a double class tonight, so she probably won’t see that for a bit</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Oh yeah, I always forget.</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>1 more year to her MA, right?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan: </span>
  </b>
  <span>all going well, yes</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>so</span>
  <span> what was your thought?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  <span> yes, can’t miss a rare </span>
  <span>Richie!thought</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>🖕</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>I was just wondering if now that they’re sort-of-but-not-really working for </span>
  <span>Turtl</span>
  <span> for the year</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>If Stan and his crew will get a stupid profile on the staff page on the website</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I have no idea, </span>
  <span>tbh</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> but at least they’re more entertaining than the ones on the DCS site...</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>You’ve been making fun of ours the entire time we’ve worked there?</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>oh</span>
  <span> they’re cringey and cheesy, absolutely</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Stan:</span>
  </b>
  <span> but have you looked at ours? the </span>
  <span>most dull</span>
  <span> things in the world!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill: </span>
  </b>
  <span>I still say we should be allowed to write our own profile blurbs</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill: </span>
  </b>
  <span>I don’t know why they employ all these writers and then have an HR assistant write those!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I mean, my current one isn’t that awful. </span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bev:</span>
  </b>
  <span> I could definitely do better, but it’s not as bad as the one I had last year</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>Oh yeah that was awful</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Richie: </span>
  </b>
  <span>When Patty takes over the entire place eventually, she’ll totally let us write our own!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Bill:</span>
  </b>
  <span> We live in hope!</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>Bill’s Email Inbox</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Archive </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Of</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Our Own </span>
  </b>
  <span>[AO3]</span>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>Comment on Strong </span>
  <span>At</span>
  
  <span>The</span>
  <span> Broken </span>
  <span>Places  18:38</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Archive </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Of</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Our Own </span>
  </b>
  <span>[AO3] Comment on Strong </span>
  <span>At</span>
  
  <span>The</span>
  <span> Broken </span>
  <span>Places  18:38</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Archive </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Of</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Our Own </span>
  </b>
  <span>[AO3] Comment on Strong </span>
  <span>At</span>
  
  <span>The</span>
  <span> Broken </span>
  <span>Places  18:37</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Archive </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Of</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Our Own </span>
  </b>
  <span>[AO3] Comment on Strong </span>
  <span>At</span>
  
  <span>The</span>
  <span> Broken </span>
  <span>Places  18:34</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Archive </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Of</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Our Own </span>
  </b>
  <span>[AO3] Comment on Strong </span>
  <span>At</span>
  
  <span>The</span>
  <span> Broken </span>
  <span>Places  18:22</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Archive </span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>Of</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span> Our Own </span>
  </b>
  <span>[AO3] You've got </span>
  <span>Kudos  18:10</span>
  
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span>From: Archive of Our Own</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>&lt;do-not-reply@archiveofourown.org</span>
  <span>&gt;</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>To:</span>
  </b>
  
  <span>billdwrites@gmail.com</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>Subject: </span>
  </b>
  <span>[AO3]</span>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <span>Comment on Strong </span>
  <span>At</span>
  
  <span>The</span>
  <span> Broken Places</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>MetalandMinds</span>
  </b>
  <span> left the following comment on </span>
  <b>
    <em>
      <span>Strong </span>
    </em>
  </b>
  <b>
    <em>
      <span>At</span>
    </em>
  </b>
  <b>
    <em>
      
    </em>
  </b>
  <b>
    <em>
      <span>The</span>
    </em>
  </b>
  <b>
    <em>
      <span> Broken Places</span>
    </em>
  </b>
  <br/>
  <span>omgomgomg</span>
  <span>!!! </span>
  <span>charles</span>
  <span> is so </span>
  <span>so</span>
  <span> sad!! please fix it soon!!</span>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <span>Posted: 2020-06-29 18:24:05 -0400</span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Part One: Wednesday July 01 2020</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Again, falling behind. If you are able to read images, get more updates on twitter!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>Groupchat Texts: We Can Adult! (Richie, Stan, Patty, Bev, Bill)</span>
  </b>
  <span> <br/></span>
  <b>
    <span>09:52</span>
  </b>
  
</p>
<p><b><span>Richie: </span></b><span>So</span><span> I’m going grocery shopping after work, was there anything I needed to bring on Saturday?</span> <br/><b><span>Patty:</span></b><span> we’ve got all the meat for the BBQ under control</span> <br/><b><span>Patty: </span></b><span>that coleslaw potato salad whatever that you made last year was really nice if you wanted to do that?</span> <br/><b><span>Richie:</span></b><span> Uh, I literally have no idea what I actually put in that. It was kind of an experiment.</span> <br/><b><span>Richie: </span></b><span>But I can see what I remember.</span> <br/><b><span>Bev:</span></b><span> I ordered a cake from that bakery we got Richie’s </span><span>bday</span><span> goodies from</span> <br/><b><span>Bev:</span></b><span> Picking it up Friday morning 😀</span> <br/><b><span>Richie: </span></b><span>🤤🤤🍰🍰</span> <br/><b><span>Richie: </span></b><span>bbq and cake makes a good meal as far as I’m concerned!</span> <br/><b><span>Bill:</span></b><span> as usual, I’m chips and dips guy!</span> <br/><b><span>Bill:</span></b><span> one day I’ll learn to cook but the next 2 days are probably not that day...</span> <br/><b><span>Stan:</span></b><span> oh, and we’ve got like, a bit of generic booze. </span> <br/><b><span>Stan:</span></b><span> but if you want anything in particular, BYOB</span> <br/><b><span>Patty:</span></b><span>oh</span><span> that reminds me... remember there’s a bit of a drive Monday morning.</span> <br/><b><span>Patty:</span></b><span>so</span><span> don’t plan to leave your car here for 3 days if you cab home, Richie...</span> <br/><b><span>Richie: </span></b><span>I did that ONCE. ONCE!</span></p>
<p><b><span>Groupchat</span></b><b><span> Texts: Adulting Feature Team (Patty, Bill, Richie, Bev, Eddie, Stan, Mike, Ben)</span></b> <br/><b><span>10:23</span></b></p>
<p><b><span>Patty:</span></b><span>So</span><span> I meant to ask and forgot until now...</span> <br/><b><span>Patty:</span></b><span> Now that things have calmed down a little in here...</span> <br/><b><span>Patty:</span></b><span> Is everyone ok for getting to the island Monday morning for the ‘retreat’?</span> <br/><b><span>Patty:</span></b><span> because we can sort out rides for people if anyone is having an issue</span> <br/><b><span>Richie:</span></b><span> Bev and I are driving down together</span> <br/><b><span>Richie:</span></b><span> but there’s space in the car for a couple more if needed, </span><span>ig</span> <br/><b><span>Mr Kaspbrak:</span></b><span> I’m all good, thanks, making my own way</span> <br/><b><span>Richie:</span></b><span> oh heaven forbid you lower yourself to ride with us mere mortals</span> <br/><b><span>Patty:</span></b><span> Richie... don’t make me say it</span> <br/><b><span>Richie:</span></b><span> I know I know. I’ll play nice.</span> <br/><b><span>Richie:</span></b><span> But it’s not like you guys keep me around for my serious staid intellect</span> <br/><b><span>Bill: </span></b><span>I can get myself there but if anyone wants to swing by and pick me up so I can nap in the back that would be great</span> <br/><b><span>Bill: </span></b><span>a 90 minute drive at 7am on a </span><span>monday</span><span> morning is not my idea of fun</span> <br/><b><span>Richie:</span></b><span> Got your back, billy</span> <br/><b><span>Bill:</span></b><span> 👍👍</span></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Part One: Thursday July 02 2020</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Reddit Direct Chat</b> <br/><b>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues </b>5.21pm <br/>so any big plans for the holiday weekend? <br/>(if you even get 2moro off, I know not everyone does) <br/><b>despairingsonthrowaway</b>5.23pm <br/>idk really <br/>and yeah I have the 3 day weekend <br/><b>despairingsonthrowaway</b>5.25pm <br/>I don’t have any plans per se <br/>I did get invited to a couple things by coworkers <br/>but honestly I’m thinking I might just... relax by myself? <br/><b>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</b>5.26pm <br/>netflix and chill in the literal sense? <br/><b>despairingsonthrowaway</b>5.26pm <br/>yeah... the last month has just been pretty nonstop, both all the personal shit and work being mad <br/>I still have stuff to finish unpacking from the move too <br/>so yeah, literal netflix and chill for 3 days is totally what I need <br/><b>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</b>5.27pm <br/>sounds like a plan <br/>but if you get down by yourself, totally text your coworkers and go hang out <br/><b>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</b>5.28pm <br/>don’t sit and stew if ‘chill’ doesn’t happen for you <br/><b>despairingsonthrowaway</b>5.28pm <br/>hopefully it won’t be an issue <br/>I did only just actually get netflix so I have so much stuff on my watchlist <br/>but I’ll try if it comes to it <br/>Still getting used to the concept that maybe people want to be my friend <br/><b>mydaddyissueshavedaddyissues</b>5.29pm <br/>I know I only know what we’ve talked about on here <br/>but imo you’re a great guy <br/>open up a bit and everyone will want to be your friend <br/><b>despairingsonthrowaway</b>5.30pm <br/>someday soon I might even believe it! <br/> </p>
<p><b>Texts between Eddie and Mike</b> <br/><b>17:44</b> <br/><b>Mike: </b>Hey eddie, have a great 4th weekend <br/><b>Mike: </b>I know you said you were just planning a quiet one <br/><b>Mike: </b>but offer stands if you want to swing by <br/><b>Mike: </b>we always end up with way too much food anyway <br/><b>Eddie: </b>Thanks, Mike <br/><b>Eddie: </b>I’ll keep that in mind :) </p>
  </div></div>
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